My Life...

I cant sleep

2007-01-03T05:44:45Z

I fucking slept through both of her phone calls, I woke up a minute after the second one :'(

Once you have flown, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward; for these you have been, there you long to return ~ Leonardo Da Vinci

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-12-31T15:36:00

2006-12-31T20:36:48Z

this christmas break and new year has been so fucking lonely

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-12-08T18:49:00

2006-12-08T23:49:53Z

Lately i've been falling like a falling bomb

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-12-05T19:30:00

2006-12-06T00:30:26Z

I embrace my
Desire to
Feel the rhythm, to
Feel connected
Enough to step aside and
Weep like a widow, to
Feel inspired, to
Fathom the power, to
Witness the beauty, to
Bathe in the fountain, to
Swing on the spiral of
Our divinity and
Still be a human

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-11-30T15:56:00

2006-11-30T20:56:48Z

Not falling victim to the fire that burns inside of me
though I am fearful I can not prevent this tragedy
My strengths been tested I wear the scars that prove
Still I believe that this calling will see me through

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-11-28T19:47:00

2006-11-29T00:47:18Z

Let me repeat

Shut the fuck up, I'm sick of you and your bullshit

Fuck.

2006-11-28T00:17:43Z

Nothing tears the being more than deception.

Missing...

2006-11-23T03:18:24Z

i tried so hard to wake from this dream...
but instead realized that i never fell asleep

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-11-21T19:04:00

2006-11-22T00:04:25Z

So today I made a 47 on a chemistry test. a re-test, the 3rd re-test actually.

lets see

first test 82
second test 86
third test 47

huh?

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-11-20T15:29:00

2006-11-20T20:29:28Z

work is going to be boring today

and cold

brrr

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-11-16T19:35:00

2006-11-17T00:35:09Z

do you hear the jet plane yawning miles across the sky? do you hear the garbage truck back down the boulevard, setting off the car alarms as it passes by? do you hear the static of one thousand detuned radios? shut the window, love. keep the world outside. I don't want to think about anyone but the footsteps are getting louder, drowning out the sound of the rain, as it knocks on the windowsill. I'm not answering the phone -- let it ring. lately I've been feeling like a falling bomb. the ground is getting closer and the sky is falling down.

~ Thursday - This song has been brought to you by a falling bomb.

I've been reading Fahrenheit 451 and it's kind of scary how many of Ray Bradbury's predictions of the future are hitting their targets.

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-11-07T15:23:00

2006-11-07T20:23:04Z

She looked so beautiful there, hair wet and rain rolling down her face.

Crying can't make somone love you, tears can't bring back a dead person.

2006-11-01T04:40:59Z

I wonder how many people waste their entire life crying or praying to God. Crying can't bring the dead people back. It can't undo wrongs or get someone to love you again. God can't bring a dead person back either. Maybe God is really just inside of us. That way we can choose to be a good person all the time, we can choose to keep all the sadness away from us and surround ourselves with happiness. But that doesn't happen. I mean there has to be a reason people don't do good things all the time.

Like how there's a battle of God vs. Satan. Or Good vs. Bad. maybe that's why people do bad, because they lose the battle they should be fighting themselves. It shouldn't have to be God vs. Satan, but You vs. Evil. Evil doesn't even have to be Satan, not everything is a product of good and evil. or maybe people just do bad things to remind themselves of the good. Like being in love. Part of the trade-off of being in love is being heart-broken and miserable. How would it feel if everyone was perfect all the time. We'd forget what good, love, and perfection really are.

.I

2006-10-25T01:39:21Z

I didnt realize it was this possible to miss someone in such a short amount of time. I am broken, but tomorrow I will be whole again.

:D

2006-10-21T13:47:09Z

Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in from
The bottom of my...
Hear your voice again could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been maybe you
And me

So kiss me like you did my heart stopped
Beating such a softer sin
(I'm melting, I'm melting)
In your eyes I lost my place
Could stay a while and I'm melting
In your eyes like my first time
That I caught fire, just stay with me
Lay with me now

Never caught my breath
Every second I'm without you
I'm a mess ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
Why cuts aren't healing
Learning how to love, I'm melting

In your eyes I lost my place
Could stay a while and I'm melting
In your eyes like my first time
That I caught fire, just stay with me
Lay with me, stay with me, lay with me now

You can stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
The Used - I Caught Fire

We could take our heads off
Stay in bed just make love thats all
Just stay with me now

I'm melting, I'm melting
In your eyes I lost my place
Could stay a while and I'm melting
In your eyes like my first time
That I caught fire, just stay with me
Lay with me

In your eyes I lost my place
Could stay a while and I'm melting
In your eyes like my first time
That I caught fire, just stay with me
Lay with me, stay with me, lay with me now

In your eyes lets sleep 'til the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-10-15T20:59:00

2006-10-16T00:59:55Z

"Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything." - Pedro Arrupe, S.J

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-10-12T16:07:00

2006-10-12T20:15:28Z

Let me prefice this song by thursday called Where The Circle Ends with my relation to it and to people. Okay, first of all, this song is about depression, how we, as people dig ourselves into these impossible situations to get out of. All some people manage to do is put themselves into the same cycles and are unable to get themselves out. Like co-dependents, they require someone in their lives at all times. I am not going to be a hypocrite and say that I've never hopelessly been in love with someone who doesn't love me back. But there's a certain point, I've been there too where you just begin hurting yourself and the people who love you. Due to something beyond your control you begin destroying yourself, emotionally, physically, mentally, and socially. And what is all this pain for? Nothing, you're just putting yourself through the same thing everyday in hopes he will take you back to his heart, if you look at everything that's happened you will realize that maybe you were never really in his heart at all. this I don't know for sure. but maybe it's best for you to think that way. Look, he's over you, don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you're on your knees in front of him, completely throwing yourself at him. I realize that this may have been quite hard to read for a certain person, but I felt it needed to be said. I still love you, I don't hate you or anything and it is not my intent to hurt you, but to help get over this boy.

Mountain ranges
Mourning red bay at the bridges
Stab up at the coming blue horizon
Grey slides loosely off rooftops
Lands on the Incan desert ground and dies
A flock of little men touch down on the surface of the porchlight
Bronze fist soldiers return
To watch the twilight across the faces
Skylights ignite and explode
Scattering shards of april around the room
No one even lives here
We're too busy crashing our cars every morning at the same house
Paving the same roads
Unwilling to walk them
And even when we extend ourselves, its only to be included
In a world that's standing still
And so often we don't struggle to improve conditions
We struggle for the right to say "we improve conditions"
And so often we form communities
Only to use them as exclusionary devices
And we forget that somewhere man is beside himself with grief
And somewhere people are calling for teachers
And no one's answering
Somwhere a man stands, walks across the room, and breaks his nose on the door
And somewhere these people are keeping records
And writing a book
For now we can call it "The Book About the Basic Flaw
Or "The Book About the Letter "N"
Or "Any Title That a Book About a Man That No One Cares About Might Have"
And as we turn the pages we call out the sounds of nothing
The sounds of a vanishing alphabet
Standing here waiting

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-10-12T02:26:00

2006-10-12T02:29:17Z

I just wanted to say that I'm so glad I grew up since this summer. and I have her now. she's more than I could ever ask for. She makes me feel higher than any drug or drink I could find. I absolutely love her with every ounce of my being.

:)

and i'm listening to Fall out boy.

what the hell?

My Rebuttle; Musicians

2006-10-01T14:41:41Z

The ratio of good to bad musicians has not changed. The only thing that has changed is peoples overall opinion in music. Look at Kanye West. He is one of the best rappers and musicians out there. But he is a rapper which is why Jane does not like him. Same thing with people like Snoop Dogg and other country singers. Just because you do not like their music does not discredit their talent.

I will admit that there is a large category of music that is just all the same thing that's been commercialized. That happened in the 60s and 70s as well. I mean look at Foreigner and sticks. That's like the equivalent of our green day and Panic! At The Disco.

Also, alot of talent in pure musicianship and theory is being used in the hardcore scene. Hardcore bands like As I lay Dying and Avenged Sevenfold make perfect use of the scales and their lead work is just stunning at times. Again, it's not the ratio of good to bad musicians, it's about how willing you are to open up your mind and listen to something that isn't exactly your cup of tea.

(p.s. I'm eating a porkchop biscuit from hardees, only in America)

Think for yourself, question authority

2006-09-29T20:02:36Z

To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself. ~ Timothy Leary

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-09-23T16:18:00

2006-09-23T20:21:17Z

I want to know the perfect words to make her feel better.

How quickly, I forgot that this is meaningless

2006-09-21T18:56:14Z

I got sick today during mr.bays history class.

Cheeseburgers with white cheese will never be the same.

I'm cutting down to 4 cigarettes a day.

So maybe this ulcer will go away.

that rhymed.

x.x

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-09-19T22:09:00

2006-09-20T02:12:17Z

edited for emo

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-09-19T16:38:00

2006-09-19T20:39:20Z

just a song

How long is the night by Thursday

If we run far away do you think we will ever die?
We'll throw these books in the fire
Can you stop the train
Cause it some delay?
The change machine lied
And it's too late to scream

How long is the night?
It's never over
The ribbon was tied
But the card was never read
The ribbon was crimson
The color of the night

Can you see the handwriting on the walls
And on the autumn leaves that call
"What are we gonna do?"
The trees are giving up on us
The needle and the thread
Won't stitch us to the branch
And the night never ends

I will never sleep again
(I will never even close my eyes)

If the sun is on its way
Then we will never die
And we'll follow these tracks to the sight
Now the lungs collapse
And the air is getting thin
All breath expired
Is too late to heal?

How long is the night?

It's all I ever see anymore
But the day was so bright in the pictures
In the photo album that you gave me
It's all I have to live for

I'm falling down
And you're not here to break my fall
I shut my eyes when you're around
I hold my breath to kill the sound of your voice
I'm falling down.
And you're not here to break my fall

ihatemyguitar @ 2006-09-14T22:39:00

2006-09-15T02:43:35Z

this is called unknowing

Lost in this state of constant imperfection
I know now where the door or light switch is
sobriety cannot cure my stupidity
nor can relapse

falling further through a state of oblivion
words and emotion become senseless
senseless acts of self hatred fill my head
self loathing is my key

but the door has been jammed for years
and nothing is near to catch on to
when im falling
and down the spiral goes
to a lifelong bender
oh truth never brought solace
nothing but pain

so what, call me emo, Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.